What Every Wife Wants

I think I have figured something out about blogging. The most important part seems to be the title. It got you here, right? Well, I do not claim to be an expert on women or wives so shut down the skeptical part of your brain. I do have a wife and I do know that the Bible says in I Peter 3:7  "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge...", so I have tried to be a student of the wonderful gift God has given me in my wife, Jen. Recently, Jen was asked by another Christian lady, "Have you ever been afraid of your husband? Afraid that he would leave?" Thankfully, my wife was able to reply, "No. Never." Once Jen told me of this conversation, the wheels began to turn. I was certainly glad to know her answer. Evidently, I had done something right, but what was it and am I still doing it? I love to do things right, but it sure is a whole lot more fun if I know what they are. I turned to her and asked, "What do I do that allows you to say that so easily?" So now you know that these are not really my thoughts coming up. I am writing what a wife has reported on what makes her feel secure in our marriage and I am sure she is not alone so ladies, by all means read, but also, feel free to share with your husbands.

There were not a ton of answers. It was a short conversation so don't think it impossible to fulfill this great task. First, articulate your commitment to your spouse. Not so tough. Her quickest response told me that because I have made a point to tell her, not just once or twice, that I will never consider divorce an option, she feels that our marriage is safe from dissolution. She is sure that whatever the conflict, we will talk it out. I can't tell you exactly how long it was between occurrences, but I do know that the very word "divorce" was not even spoken in our home for a span of something like 15 years. We have referred to it a time or two as the "D" word, but that was to aid in conversation about someone else. Guys are regularly made fun of because of a perceived problem with commitment. Husbands, you need to let your wife know that you have no problem with commitment and be serious about it. "She knows I love her." "She knows I'd never leave her." Oh yeah? How? Not if you don't tell her. And tell her again. And again.

The second part of her response was just about as quick. She really didn't have to think about these things. The second thing a wife wants (by the way, there were only two things) is to show your commitment to your spouse. You know it to be true...talk is cheap. Yes, my wife and other wives want to hear that her husband is in this for the long haul, but put up or shut up. As I have said before, this is not a book review but there is a book that I read a long time ago that I highly recommend to every man. This book taught me the great value of putting hedges around your marriage to show your wife that you mean business about protecting your marriage. I am not talking about avoiding other females all together or walking around looking at the floor. Jen knows that I will not transport a female in my car by myself, unless it is a relative or someone obviously "out of play" due to age. And even then, Jen receives a phone call or text from me about it. I will not meet one on one with a female behind closed doors or even in public at a "table for two". Some people think, "What's the big deal?" "Don't you trust each other?" And I say, absolutely, but why open yourself or the other to questions and doubts. How many marriages would still be going on if men never crossed the line into one on one meetings and meals with another woman. Oh, they didn't mean to fall in love. It just happened. Not if you never give it the chance.
 
Jen also said there were a thousand other little things I do everyday, but I don't want to brag. Seriously, only two specific things came from the heart of my wife expressing what makes her secure in our marriage. All I have to do is say it and show it and she is totally at ease, never questioning my friendships or relationships, and I never have to deal with jealousy. There is plenty in this world to worry about and there is so much out there trying to tear our homes apart. How comforting it is, at the end of the day, to be able to come together with full assurance that no matter what, we are forever. As the husband of the best girl in the world, that is the best Perspective of all.