One of the most influential people in my life

For nearly 27 years, I have called her Mom, and as such she has, for every one of those years, been a teacher, guide, cheerleader, prayer warrior, example, and friend. Just as a mom should, she has corrected me, advised me, cried with me, prayed for me, and most tenderly loved me. But more importantly, she has done the same and more in the life of my wonderful wife, as her devoted mother. Those who know me know I am not a fan of the term "in-law". When I married Jennifer Burroughs, I inherited a family with no dashes or strings attached. Jen's mom is my mom. I propose a better reference to replace MIL. How about MOMS, Mother Of My Spouse?

I am grateful for her and have chosen today to express as much because tomorrow is her birthday. But this is no attempt to butter her up or gain brownie points. I finished that during our courting years when I wrote in a Mother's Day card, "My dad told me if I want to know what my wife will look like, just look at her mother. If that is true, then I am a lucky man." Pretty good, huh? That might not be exactly what I wrote, but it is very close and most of all, it worked. I have been putty in her hands ever since. No, I did not mix that up ;) My actual intention is to raise awareness of the tremendous good our MOMS are and do, yet their reputation does not reflect that. Believe me, I have seen and heard why. MOMS, in many cases, have not aided their cause. Unfortunately, these bad apples have spoiled the bunch. So if you have a good and godly MOMS, say as much. Certainly say it to her. She has doubly influenced your life for the good, in raising a husband or wife who loves Christ and you, and then she has taken you in and lead and loved you as her own. At least, that is what she has done in my life. Now take that understanding and, while you have time and opportunity, give honor where honor is due. Don't allow society to dictate how you talk about her. Don't give in to the assumption that "mother-in-law" jokes and insults are normal. MOMS and future MOMS, don't live up to this "popular belief". Influence your children for good. Their future wife/husband will be blessed by your efforts. If you are already in this position, use your influence to encourage and mentor a well-lived life. You can have that kind of influence if you refrain from complaining, interfering, and bossing.

So Happy Birthday (a day early) Mom. I love and appreciate you. You have been an example to my wife, to me, and I have to assume, to many other ladies who have endeavored to serve the Lord and raise a godly generation.

Keeping the Perspective

You have probably never woke up in the morning with the immediate thought of the trouble awaiting you today. I guess I should not have been surprised, for I left the thoughts of this trouble right beside my pillow last night. A bit of transparency right here...I just preached the midweek service, including the principle of casting our burdens on Him, not keeping or carrying them. EPIC FAIL. Anyway, when I woke up, POW, there it was; an overwhelming cloud of question and uncertainty. As I sought the Lord in prayer this morning, I pleaded for His direction and help through His word. Please continue reading to see the help I received.

I enjoy reading a chapter of Proverbs each day, the one which coincides with the date. [Editor's note: I highly recommend this.] As I read chapter 5, familiar with the contents and already doubting I would receive anything from it, I got sucker-punched. Those wonderful words of verses 15 through 18 reminded me of my lost Perspective.

Have you ever thought about who winds up being the first to suffer, as well as the worst to suffer through your difficulties? I can easily hit the rewind and see that when I physically hurt in my body, I just want to lay down and crash. When I am trying to deal with emotional hurts, I retreat to my "happy place" which is a table for one at Pity's Pub. It seems to me, when anything goes wrong in my life, my wife is the real victim. Is it because I love her less? Is it because she loves me less? Is it her fault that these things came about? Most definitely no, no, and no. If you are nearly as blessed as I am, then you have a wife, or husband, for you ladies, that strives to be supportive, helpful, and loving. I haven't pushed her away on purpose, but today the Lord reminded me that the command is to rejoice with my wife, regardless of what else may be happening in my life.


If God has filled your life with the love of a loyal spouse, understand that
they are going through your trouble with you, if you let them. Solomon
reminds us of the strength of a three-fold cord. Allow the Lord to minister to you by way of that third cord. And don't let the stuff of life interrupt the rejoicing that should always be taking place in your marriage. Through the hard times, keep the right Perspective.

What Every Wife Wants

I think I have figured something out about blogging. The most important part seems to be the title. It got you here, right? Well, I do not claim to be an expert on women or wives so shut down the skeptical part of your brain. I do have a wife and I do know that the Bible says in I Peter 3:7  "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge...", so I have tried to be a student of the wonderful gift God has given me in my wife, Jen. Recently, Jen was asked by another Christian lady, "Have you ever been afraid of your husband? Afraid that he would leave?" Thankfully, my wife was able to reply, "No. Never." Once Jen told me of this conversation, the wheels began to turn. I was certainly glad to know her answer. Evidently, I had done something right, but what was it and am I still doing it? I love to do things right, but it sure is a whole lot more fun if I know what they are. I turned to her and asked, "What do I do that allows you to say that so easily?" So now you know that these are not really my thoughts coming up. I am writing what a wife has reported on what makes her feel secure in our marriage and I am sure she is not alone so ladies, by all means read, but also, feel free to share with your husbands.

There were not a ton of answers. It was a short conversation so don't think it impossible to fulfill this great task. First, articulate your commitment to your spouse. Not so tough. Her quickest response told me that because I have made a point to tell her, not just once or twice, that I will never consider divorce an option, she feels that our marriage is safe from dissolution. She is sure that whatever the conflict, we will talk it out. I can't tell you exactly how long it was between occurrences, but I do know that the very word "divorce" was not even spoken in our home for a span of something like 15 years. We have referred to it a time or two as the "D" word, but that was to aid in conversation about someone else. Guys are regularly made fun of because of a perceived problem with commitment. Husbands, you need to let your wife know that you have no problem with commitment and be serious about it. "She knows I love her." "She knows I'd never leave her." Oh yeah? How? Not if you don't tell her. And tell her again. And again.

The second part of her response was just about as quick. She really didn't have to think about these things. The second thing a wife wants (by the way, there were only two things) is to show your commitment to your spouse. You know it to be true...talk is cheap. Yes, my wife and other wives want to hear that her husband is in this for the long haul, but put up or shut up. As I have said before, this is not a book review but there is a book that I read a long time ago that I highly recommend to every man. This book taught me the great value of putting hedges around your marriage to show your wife that you mean business about protecting your marriage. I am not talking about avoiding other females all together or walking around looking at the floor. Jen knows that I will not transport a female in my car by myself, unless it is a relative or someone obviously "out of play" due to age. And even then, Jen receives a phone call or text from me about it. I will not meet one on one with a female behind closed doors or even in public at a "table for two". Some people think, "What's the big deal?" "Don't you trust each other?" And I say, absolutely, but why open yourself or the other to questions and doubts. How many marriages would still be going on if men never crossed the line into one on one meetings and meals with another woman. Oh, they didn't mean to fall in love. It just happened. Not if you never give it the chance.
 
Jen also said there were a thousand other little things I do everyday, but I don't want to brag. Seriously, only two specific things came from the heart of my wife expressing what makes her secure in our marriage. All I have to do is say it and show it and she is totally at ease, never questioning my friendships or relationships, and I never have to deal with jealousy. There is plenty in this world to worry about and there is so much out there trying to tear our homes apart. How comforting it is, at the end of the day, to be able to come together with full assurance that no matter what, we are forever. As the husband of the best girl in the world, that is the best Perspective of all.