This is not intended to be an actual book review but the book,
The Five Love Languages, did so much for me and my family that I would certainly recommend the reading of it by, at the very least, every husband and wife. As I sat on a very comfortable new white wicker chair that is part of a patio furniture set Jen purchased with birthday money, on a wood pergola patio that I designed and built myself over the course of two years, drinking a cup of fresh coffee, reading my Bible with my best friend this morning, my mind flipped back to the pages of that book. We have only been using the pergola for these quiet morning moments for a couple of weeks now and we have really come to enjoy the earlier morning hours, the cool of the day, for not just the library-esque atmosphere for reading, but the uninterrupted peace and quiet where we are able to connect at the beginning of what is always a very busy day. There are, as the book surmises, five basic love languages; quality time, receiving of gifts, acts of service, physical touch, and words of affirmation. I will not attempt a synopsis of the book here, so I will cut to the chase and tell you that at the back of the book is a test to score in order to determine your love language. We all took the test, including our kids. It was a blast finding out what we, in a way, already knew. I ended up being "bilingual", with two equal high scores, as did Jen. I don't think I feel comfortable enough to share the results with you so you will just have to guess or skip it. I will say that it has proven indispensable knowing what Jen's are and her knowing mine. Before the book, I did what I thought expressed my affection for her to the max. What I found out was that my expressions of love to her made me feel good, but didn't really float her boat. They were nice things and I am sure that we all enjoy some of each love language being spoken into our life, but man, when I found out exactly what conveyed to Jen how I really feel about her, it changed everything. And that was a two-way street...bonus!
There is a "Buyer Beware" that should be included with the book. I'll put it this way, "With great power comes great responsibility." By the way, Voltaire is credited with saying that first, but I'm a big Spiderman fan and so I will attribute that line to Stan Lee. Anyway, along with the benefit of you and your spouse possessing the knowledge of just what right buttons to push for each other (great power), there is now the great responsibility to do just that. And believe me, you will be held accountable by the other if you neglect that responsibility. But really, what a joy to now know how to speak (or display) my love for Jen in a way that I am sure she is "getting". Why would anyone not want to be able to do that? In my mind, this book should be a best seller just from the men who say "I guess I just don't understand women." So, back to the pergola patio, chair, coffee, and my wife. I could easily point to each aspect of our morning and slide it under one of the love language headings but what I really came to value was the opportunity we have created to truly express ourselves. What am I saying? First, get the book and read it. Take the test and really get to know each other. Then create the environment for you to comfortably apply what you know. Hey, for us it's a pergola patio in the morning, but for you it may be a new movie and carry-out Chinese food. Whatever or where ever it is, make it a priority. Oh yeah, in case you were really paying attention, we sit close enough in the pergola to hold hands or rub a shoulder. That's pretty important to Jen and I, hint, hint. Now, at the beginning of the summer, I am already looking for a new environment for the winter because it is so worth it, from my Perspective.
