I am a preacher of the great gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ. It is a privilege to share the good news of the birth, sinless life, death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. It is a message of hope for every soul lost in sin, despair, and even death. The Bible says that the gospel is the power of God unto salvation. This message is the very purpose of my life. There is nothing sweeter to see than to witness the life-transforming power of this timeless, ageless, and endless story of redemption. Every man born is doomed to an eternity of death and separation from God. Heaven and Hell are realities that I desire to help mankind believe. We have all been born in sin. We have all made choices that violate the nature and law of God and we are in desperate need of a Savior. The gospel is the story of that Savior and His sacrifice to change the destiny of all who would call upon His name. Salvation is of the Lord. It is His purpose in reconciliation. It is the theme and focus of the Bible and the preaching of every God-called man of God. But this is not the end of the story.
I am afraid that fundamental preachers and pastors of our day have sold God short. In an effort to avoid preaching a feel-good, socially acceptable "false" gospel, the trend has been to swing the pendulum so far away from a message outside of salvation that there is little belief that God has other abilities and desires. We have given the impression that God is only interested in keeping you from going to Hell and that He is not interested in the stuff of life that we deal with every day. In Luke 4:18, Jesus quotes an Old Testament scripture prophesying of himself. He describes His ministry as one that preaches the gospel, but that is not all. Jesus also mentions that part of His ministry is to preach deliverance, recovery, and liberty. Every one of us has something that we need deliverance from, recovery from, and/or liberty with. This should make it perfectly clear that God cares about the individual struggling with the bondage of addiction, bitterness, or hatred, a person trying to come back from depression, an emotional or mental breakdown, or even loneliness, or that one wishing to live in the freedom of God's grace, without the shackles of legalism or organised religion. You see, there is a whole lot more that God wants to do for you and in you. It is surely of the utmost importance for you to ask the Lord to forgive you of your sin and invite Him to live in and direct your life, but it is also incredibly needful for us to realize the continuing work of God. He hasn't brought us into the "Promised Land" and left us to fight the giants on our own.
What's that mean to us? We need to let God into the dark or difficult places of our life and allow His light to penetrate and change us, but please don't stop there. We need to take that light to those who are still sitting in the depths of confusion, hurt, and bondage and bring to them this great message of hope. Many around us do not know that God is for them beyond conversion. You'll not ever be more saved than you are upon your acceptance of Christ but the Bible says that He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. There is still more work to do in your life, in my life, and in their life. Jesus said, "I am come that they might have life (that's salvation), and that they might have it more abundantly (that deliverance, recovery, and liberty)." What a refreshing Perspective!
Practical help and encouragement from the perspective of a pastor, parent, and partner for life.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Your presence is requested before the King
I am having my oil changed right now so I figured I would practice my multi-tasking. I share a thought from my devotion by way of my phone. I read the book of Esther yesterday. You know, the book in the Old Testament that never mentions God, but it did not take long for me to stumble upon God in the book. In the first chapter, you read about a king who "enjoys a good time." He is hosting a grand feast with all the who's who of his kingdom and ultimately wants to show off his pretty wife. Quick lesson right there. Sir, your wife doesn't need the admiration of everyone else nearly as much as she needs yours, and parading her in public, showing all of her "attributes" is not complimenting her. It is making her an object for show and tell. Treat her the way she ought to be treated in private and she won't need to receive that attention from the public...and she probably doesn't want to, especially if it has to be in exchange for your attention. Anyway, the queen did not appreciate the opportunity to be made a public spectacle and so she refused. In so doing, she caused the king disappointment, as well as a bit of embarrassment in front of his buddies. For her disobedience, Queen Vashti was given a punishment, "a royal commandment...that Vashti come no more before king Ahasueras." Now this is a powerful king, no doubt, ruling a kingdom from India to Ethiopia, and he has certainly flexed his muscle here. But I could not help looking at this from a different Perspective.
I serve a powerful King who reigns from Heaven to Hell. Of course, He does not require such things of me as this worldly king did. In fact, those things He desires from/for me are not just for His good pleasure, but for my benefit as well. Even so, I am sure I disobey my King. I fail Him in His desires for me. I fall incredibly short in my opportunities to bring attention and glory to Him in my life. But this is the good part. My King does not refuse entrance before Him. In fact, I have been invited to come into His presence to settle my failures. We read in Isaiah 1:18, "Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool." How's that for flexing your muscle? Be encouraged today that the God of the universe is the God of salvation. He wants you to turn to Him, not in order to present Him with your assets, but to bring your liabilities. No matter where you are or what you find yourself in, God is for you. We have been encouraged by the word of God, "Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." That does not sound like a royal decree barring me from His presence unless I am fit or prepared. Actually, it is clear that I am to feel at ease, welcomed to go to God with my faults and imperfections to receive mercy and grace, and even forgiveness, I John 1:9. I have a royal invitation to appear before the King and in my place before His throne, I have a great Perspective.
I serve a powerful King who reigns from Heaven to Hell. Of course, He does not require such things of me as this worldly king did. In fact, those things He desires from/for me are not just for His good pleasure, but for my benefit as well. Even so, I am sure I disobey my King. I fail Him in His desires for me. I fall incredibly short in my opportunities to bring attention and glory to Him in my life. But this is the good part. My King does not refuse entrance before Him. In fact, I have been invited to come into His presence to settle my failures. We read in Isaiah 1:18, "Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool." How's that for flexing your muscle? Be encouraged today that the God of the universe is the God of salvation. He wants you to turn to Him, not in order to present Him with your assets, but to bring your liabilities. No matter where you are or what you find yourself in, God is for you. We have been encouraged by the word of God, "Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." That does not sound like a royal decree barring me from His presence unless I am fit or prepared. Actually, it is clear that I am to feel at ease, welcomed to go to God with my faults and imperfections to receive mercy and grace, and even forgiveness, I John 1:9. I have a royal invitation to appear before the King and in my place before His throne, I have a great Perspective.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
A great investment tip, for real
I have to say that maintaining a blog is a little harder than you may think.
Try it and when you do, let me know so I can follow you. Anyway, the last two
weeks have been crazy. I am an only child and my parents have moved yet again,
so my family and I needed to provide packing and unpacking services. That was
the week before this one. This week has been a totally different story. For the
seventh consecutive year, I am at the Wilds, a Christian camp and conference center in North
Carolina. No one does camp like they do and I have been blessed as a sponsor
every year.
As I have sat in the services and seen the great responses to the preaching, I could not help but think of a conversation I had this week with another sponsor. Interestingly enough, I am nearly 600 miles from home and I was able to make a connection. Our conversation turned to a mutual "acquaintance", a church that we each had an attachment to. This church does not promote any type of youth ministry. That is odd in and of itself, but what astounded me is the fact that they run a Christian school from kindergarten all the way through twelfth grade. That would have to be labeled the extreme end of the discussion of youth ministry...none. Well, as many of you know, most of my years in ministry have been as a youth pastor, and even now I tell my folks, "I will always be a youth pastor to some extent." I love young people. I love being around them and working with them. I love their energy. I love their enthusiasm (if you can find it). I love their perspective. Why would you not want to have a ministry to and for young people? I am sure that the vast majority of parents have provided education, food, and clothing for their children at the child's learning/age level. I am also sure of the provision of specialized medical care for that age group in pediatricians and pediatric dentists. I surely hope that entertainment has been provided in an age-appropriate manner, as well. So why not ministry? There are so many options: Sunday school, children's church, youth group, Bible clubs, retreats, camps, fellowship meetings, seminars, and youth revivals. We have several families at Franklin that have joined our congregation by much prayer, but brought in by our emphasis on youth. Can I tell you that you can not go wrong investing your time, energy and resources, or your church's time, energy, and resources into the life of a young person. I am talking about the best of every world here. There is instant gratification as you look into the face of, not just a child, but a teenager too, and say, "I love you and I am so proud of you." There is a hope that you can not explain and a future that you'll never be able to predict, just from ministering to a young person. There is a dividend that only eternity will reveal as your effort is multiplied by its repetition in countless more lives.
If you attend a church without a vision for young people, you need to ask the Lord how you can change that. Churches are already drying and dying from lack of vision and attendance. If you are not infusing new life, young life, into your church, eventually it will go that way. I love being the Pastor of Franklin Baptist Church, but from my Perspective, I will always be part youth pastor, investing in their lives.
As I have sat in the services and seen the great responses to the preaching, I could not help but think of a conversation I had this week with another sponsor. Interestingly enough, I am nearly 600 miles from home and I was able to make a connection. Our conversation turned to a mutual "acquaintance", a church that we each had an attachment to. This church does not promote any type of youth ministry. That is odd in and of itself, but what astounded me is the fact that they run a Christian school from kindergarten all the way through twelfth grade. That would have to be labeled the extreme end of the discussion of youth ministry...none. Well, as many of you know, most of my years in ministry have been as a youth pastor, and even now I tell my folks, "I will always be a youth pastor to some extent." I love young people. I love being around them and working with them. I love their energy. I love their enthusiasm (if you can find it). I love their perspective. Why would you not want to have a ministry to and for young people? I am sure that the vast majority of parents have provided education, food, and clothing for their children at the child's learning/age level. I am also sure of the provision of specialized medical care for that age group in pediatricians and pediatric dentists. I surely hope that entertainment has been provided in an age-appropriate manner, as well. So why not ministry? There are so many options: Sunday school, children's church, youth group, Bible clubs, retreats, camps, fellowship meetings, seminars, and youth revivals. We have several families at Franklin that have joined our congregation by much prayer, but brought in by our emphasis on youth. Can I tell you that you can not go wrong investing your time, energy and resources, or your church's time, energy, and resources into the life of a young person. I am talking about the best of every world here. There is instant gratification as you look into the face of, not just a child, but a teenager too, and say, "I love you and I am so proud of you." There is a hope that you can not explain and a future that you'll never be able to predict, just from ministering to a young person. There is a dividend that only eternity will reveal as your effort is multiplied by its repetition in countless more lives.
If you attend a church without a vision for young people, you need to ask the Lord how you can change that. Churches are already drying and dying from lack of vision and attendance. If you are not infusing new life, young life, into your church, eventually it will go that way. I love being the Pastor of Franklin Baptist Church, but from my Perspective, I will always be part youth pastor, investing in their lives.
Monday, July 30, 2012
I thought it was ignorance...
I have learned something pretty profound I think, and so today I am sharing out of personal Perspective. I have been in pastoral leadership at Franklin Baptist Church for twelve years. I first moved to Franklin from my home church, Nottingham Missionary Baptist Church, to be the Youth Pastor in the year 2000. It's easy to remember because my wife was pregnant with my son. My first celebration of Graduates' Day at Franklin was in the summer of 2002. I had no graduates in 2001. However, in 2002, I had seven graduates from high school, and ever since then, I have carried a burden, a burden to see a ministry tailored to fit this new group of young people in Franklin. I carried on with my youth pastoring and even grew to ignore the burden, or push it away, which caused me to completely avoid interaction with this new group as some went to college and others went to work. Over the next several years, several more Graduates' Days came and went, as did several more graduates. I realized the trend, or rather the bleeding, of this important group. They were falling off of the church scene like flies and for a decent reason. They had no connection to the church. Youth group and Sunday school were things they did as "kids" because they were brought by their parents. Of course, upon graduating, you remember, all the kids stuff is put behind you and you move on to what has been important to you, but squelched by "church stuff". I began talking about it with my pastor and he would agree with the truth of the issue, but offer no real help or solution. "You're the Youth Pastor, handle it." So I tried to do the leadership thing and find (read delegate) someone to teach the college and career age young adults. Ever burdened by this need in our church, I would gladly engage anyone in conversation regarding how important it would be to get this started. I have lost count of how many times I have told someone, "I know. Our church is bleeding young people and we can't seem to stop it."
Fast forward to the here and now. I have since gone through one legitimate effort to get a class started with a willing vessel and it never got off of the ground and quickly dissolved. And recently, I tried again to coerce yet another unsuspecting vessel to pick up my burden and carry it, not with me, but for me. A week and a half ago, while in my study praying, actually about the next victim of my burden, my heart began to break. The tears started to flow as I realized that I had been going about this all wrong. Names and faces went through my mind as I realized how much time I had wasted trying to pawn this burden off to someone else who should have had the vision and decency to care for this wayward bunch. But then the tears that started as regret and sorrow began to turn into a deep relief in my heart. Problem solved. Prayer answered. There does need to be a college and career group and there is already someone with a burden for these young people. There is already someone with a vision to see them integrated back into the local church ministry and given a sense of home and belonging. It is me.
As soon as I opened my heart to what had been weighing on my mind for so long, the ideas came rushing in. I'll send out personal invitations. I'll serve breakfast and coffee. We'll call it "Connections" and we won't call it a Sunday school class because it will be so much more. I started a Facebook to connect them all. We'll have a social outing at least once a month. I'll enlist church families to host a movie night or game night. I found appropriate subject materials to use in our Sunday morning Bible study. It starts this coming Sunday and my materials came in this morning from Striving Together Publications and that prompted me to Tweet my excitement. That's when it came to me; the relief, the excitement, the vision. It's not ignorance that is bliss. It's obedience. Obedience is bliss. That unexplainable inner peace and joy that comes from being right in the center of God's will. I tell you, there is nothing like it. I can not imagine a more effective way to free yourself of discouragement and dissatisfaction, than to truly pray and seek God for His will and then obey it. Many of you already know His will and you are not doing it or not doing it yet. Delayed obedience is disobedience. Partial obedience is total disobedience. And you are missing out. I will tell you again, "Obedience is bliss." I am so thankful today for God's providential direction in my life. The center of God's will...what an awesome Perspective it gives.
Fast forward to the here and now. I have since gone through one legitimate effort to get a class started with a willing vessel and it never got off of the ground and quickly dissolved. And recently, I tried again to coerce yet another unsuspecting vessel to pick up my burden and carry it, not with me, but for me. A week and a half ago, while in my study praying, actually about the next victim of my burden, my heart began to break. The tears started to flow as I realized that I had been going about this all wrong. Names and faces went through my mind as I realized how much time I had wasted trying to pawn this burden off to someone else who should have had the vision and decency to care for this wayward bunch. But then the tears that started as regret and sorrow began to turn into a deep relief in my heart. Problem solved. Prayer answered. There does need to be a college and career group and there is already someone with a burden for these young people. There is already someone with a vision to see them integrated back into the local church ministry and given a sense of home and belonging. It is me.
As soon as I opened my heart to what had been weighing on my mind for so long, the ideas came rushing in. I'll send out personal invitations. I'll serve breakfast and coffee. We'll call it "Connections" and we won't call it a Sunday school class because it will be so much more. I started a Facebook to connect them all. We'll have a social outing at least once a month. I'll enlist church families to host a movie night or game night. I found appropriate subject materials to use in our Sunday morning Bible study. It starts this coming Sunday and my materials came in this morning from Striving Together Publications and that prompted me to Tweet my excitement. That's when it came to me; the relief, the excitement, the vision. It's not ignorance that is bliss. It's obedience. Obedience is bliss. That unexplainable inner peace and joy that comes from being right in the center of God's will. I tell you, there is nothing like it. I can not imagine a more effective way to free yourself of discouragement and dissatisfaction, than to truly pray and seek God for His will and then obey it. Many of you already know His will and you are not doing it or not doing it yet. Delayed obedience is disobedience. Partial obedience is total disobedience. And you are missing out. I will tell you again, "Obedience is bliss." I am so thankful today for God's providential direction in my life. The center of God's will...what an awesome Perspective it gives.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
America the Absurd
At this point, so many are saying so much that there may not be any room for someone else with some more, but here goes. Chick-Fil-A COO, Dan Cathy. granted an interview to the Baptist Press about a week and a half ago. In case there is a misunderstanding of what was taking place, I offer this. One Christian organization chose one successful Christian businessman to ask a few questions of and then report them. By what we have since been exposed to, one would think that Mr. Cathy hacked into network television satellites and piped his "hate" forcefully into the lives of every American. Then, two days ago, Mike Huckabee, in response to the media's pumped up outcry from the left, called for a public show of support for the social position that Mr. Curry, and thereby Chick-Fil-A, took. In the last 18-36 hours, The Muppets ownership group, The Jim Henson Company pulled their promotional products from Chick-Fil-A kids' meals, Boston and Chicago have positioned themselves against Chick-Fil-A expansion, or even a presence in their city, and now there is a counter-promotion against the August 1, 2012, Chick-Fil-A support day called by Mike Huckabee. On August 3, 2012, a same-sex "kiss-in" has been called to make known the LGTB position, as if we didn't already know. What a ridiculous, or absurd, turn of events.For one thing, when did we as Americans lose our right to a personal position on issues? Without hype or fanfare, Mr. Cathy answered an interview question, simply answered a question. He took no pains to broadcast his "intolerant message of hate" to the rest of the world. It appears that we have the freedom to think or believe anything we wish, but not express it. I remember the debate over smoking in restaurants. The great equalizer in that discussion seemed to be "If you don't like cigarette smoke, don't go to a smoking-allowed establishment." Well here's an idea; if you don't like the way a restaurant is operated, don't go. The reaction to this stand for his own personal preference is total hypocrisy. While demanding "constitutional rights", the LGTB community is refusing Mr. Cathy's own expression. And why? Because they can. We stand for it. How can a group of people push around an entire nation when they only make up anywhere from 2-5% of our population, or maybe even less, depending on where you get your figures? As much as I would love to see Chick-Fil-A dining rooms packed out for the entire day on August 1, I would much rather see them filled to capacity and overflowing on August 3 with the same supporters, willing to stand and even push back against the tide of this undermining and sinful agenda. There is no justifiable reason for any retaliation against Mr. Cathy or Chick-Fil-A except the removal of one's patronage, and so I would love to see the restaurants so crowded that a same-sex kissing couple could not even get in the door and if they did, it would be great to see a bit of backbone from the male heads-of-household protecting their families from the sight and influence of such defiant behavior.
I guess the real point of all of this for me is not chicken, though theirs is good. It's not necessarily about supporting a Christian businessman, although I am glad to. I believe it is all about the preservation and propagation of the two most significant "documents" in the history of this great nation, the Holy Bible and the Constitution of the United States of America. How much longer will the silent majority stand by while these two icons of civilization and civility are not just neglected, but destroyed? I do not believe you have that much time to think of an answer, probably about three months. Who will stop standing by and decide to stand up? From my Perspective, I do not wish to live in the United States of Absurdity.
p.s. This is a late addition to the fray. It's very enlightening. Even the other side sees the problem here.
I guess the real point of all of this for me is not chicken, though theirs is good. It's not necessarily about supporting a Christian businessman, although I am glad to. I believe it is all about the preservation and propagation of the two most significant "documents" in the history of this great nation, the Holy Bible and the Constitution of the United States of America. How much longer will the silent majority stand by while these two icons of civilization and civility are not just neglected, but destroyed? I do not believe you have that much time to think of an answer, probably about three months. Who will stop standing by and decide to stand up? From my Perspective, I do not wish to live in the United States of Absurdity.
p.s. This is a late addition to the fray. It's very enlightening. Even the other side sees the problem here.
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Monday, July 23, 2012
Does It Make You Blush?
I'm gonna tell you right up front that this is a bit of a rant. The day started for me as I read the blog of a Christian author and speaker I highly respect, Erin Davis. My girls have read several of her books and she has even been instrumental in helping my family personally as we have walked through some difficulty. I follow her on Twitter @eringraffiti and this morning I read her latest blog entry. I have to tell you, she hit a nerve. I grew up in a pretty legalistic environment and have lately come to deeply realize the liberty I have in Christ. I say that to assuage your inclination to think of me as someone with a list of religious requirements to fulfill before you can be considered spiritual. Not at all. That being said, I have referenced a particular scripture in my title, Jeremiah 6:15, "Were they ashamed when they had committed abomination? nay, they were not at all ashamed, neither could they blush: therefore they shall fall among them that fall: at the time that I visit them they shall be cast down, saith the LORD."
I am afraid that we are living in a time when Christians have allowed the pendulum of "Godly living" swing to the opposite end of the spectrum of hard-line fundamentalism of twenty or thirty years ago. Paul saw this coming centuries ago, I guess, when he wrote to the Galatian church, "only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh." Not too long ago, a book like "50 Shades of Grey" would have turned our ladies' cheeks fifty shades of red from embarrassment. Under the umbrella of grace and liberty we have become impervious to conviction, revealed in our lifestyle and language everyday. We frequent movies, music, and media that glorify a sinful world gone mad and then call upon God as though He owes us. I am beginning to think that there is not much, if anything, that would truly make us blush. We have been conditioned on every front to accept foul language, nudity (even partial), and the gross disregard for the name of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I want to challenge God's people today. One of my favorite passages of scripture is Matthew 5:16, "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." Do you really believe that your behavior, your manner of living, is fulfilling these words? I count it an honor and privilege to be called a Christian, a term that in it's origin was a slur to the followers of Christ because they were just like Him. Even though I fall incredibly short everyday, I still want it to mean that I am at least trying to be just like Him. That's my Perspective and according to the scripture, it should be a lot of others' as well.
I am afraid that we are living in a time when Christians have allowed the pendulum of "Godly living" swing to the opposite end of the spectrum of hard-line fundamentalism of twenty or thirty years ago. Paul saw this coming centuries ago, I guess, when he wrote to the Galatian church, "only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh." Not too long ago, a book like "50 Shades of Grey" would have turned our ladies' cheeks fifty shades of red from embarrassment. Under the umbrella of grace and liberty we have become impervious to conviction, revealed in our lifestyle and language everyday. We frequent movies, music, and media that glorify a sinful world gone mad and then call upon God as though He owes us. I am beginning to think that there is not much, if anything, that would truly make us blush. We have been conditioned on every front to accept foul language, nudity (even partial), and the gross disregard for the name of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I want to challenge God's people today. One of my favorite passages of scripture is Matthew 5:16, "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." Do you really believe that your behavior, your manner of living, is fulfilling these words? I count it an honor and privilege to be called a Christian, a term that in it's origin was a slur to the followers of Christ because they were just like Him. Even though I fall incredibly short everyday, I still want it to mean that I am at least trying to be just like Him. That's my Perspective and according to the scripture, it should be a lot of others' as well.
Friday, July 20, 2012
What Every Wife Wants
I think I have figured something out about blogging. The most important part seems to be the title. It got you here, right? Well, I do not claim to be an expert on women or wives so shut down the skeptical part of your brain. I do have a wife and I do know that the Bible says in I Peter 3:7 "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge...", so I have tried to be a student of the wonderful gift God has given me in my wife, Jen. Recently, Jen was asked by another Christian lady, "Have you ever been afraid of your husband? Afraid that he would leave?" Thankfully, my wife was able to reply, "No. Never." Once Jen told me of this conversation, the wheels began to turn. I was certainly glad to know her answer. Evidently, I had done something right, but what was it and am I still doing it? I love to do things right, but it sure is a whole lot more fun if I know what they are. I turned to her and asked, "What do I do that allows you to say that so easily?" So now you know that these are not really my thoughts coming up. I am writing what a wife has reported on what makes her feel secure in our marriage and I am sure she is not alone so ladies, by all means read, but also, feel free to share with your husbands.
There were not a ton of answers. It was a short conversation so don't think it impossible to fulfill this great task. First, articulate your commitment to your spouse. Not so tough. Her quickest response told me that because I have made a point to tell her, not just once or twice, that I will never consider divorce an option, she feels that our marriage is safe from dissolution. She is sure that whatever the conflict, we will talk it out. I can't tell you exactly how long it was between occurrences, but I do know that the very word "divorce" was not even spoken in our home for a span of something like 15 years. We have referred to it a time or two as the "D" word, but that was to aid in conversation about someone else. Guys are regularly made fun of because of a perceived problem with commitment. Husbands, you need to let your wife know that you have no problem with commitment and be serious about it. "She knows I love her." "She knows I'd never leave her." Oh yeah? How? Not if you don't tell her. And tell her again. And again.
The second part of her response was just about as quick. She really didn't have to think about these things. The second thing a wife wants (by the way, there were only two things) is to show your commitment to your spouse. You know it to be true...talk is cheap. Yes, my wife and other wives want to hear that her husband is in this for the long haul, but put up or shut up. As I have said before, this is not a book review but there is a book that I read a long time ago that I highly recommend to every man. This book taught me the great value of putting hedges around your marriage to show your wife that you mean business about protecting your marriage. I am not talking about avoiding other females all together or walking around looking at the floor. Jen knows that I will not transport a female in my car by myself, unless it is a relative or someone obviously "out of play" due to age. And even then, Jen receives a phone call or text from me about it. I will not meet one on one with a female behind closed doors or even in public at a "table for two". Some people think, "What's the big deal?" "Don't you trust each other?" And I say, absolutely, but why open yourself or the other to questions and doubts. How many marriages would still be going on if men never crossed the line into one on one meetings and meals with another woman. Oh, they didn't mean to fall in love. It just happened. Not if you never give it the chance.
Jen also said there were a thousand other little things I do everyday, but I don't want to brag. Seriously, only two specific things came from the heart of my wife expressing what makes her secure in our marriage. All I have to do is say it and show it and she is totally at ease, never questioning my friendships or relationships, and I never have to deal with jealousy. There is plenty in this world to worry about and there is so much out there trying to tear our homes apart. How comforting it is, at the end of the day, to be able to come together with full assurance that no matter what, we are forever. As the husband of the best girl in the world, that is the best Perspective of all.
There were not a ton of answers. It was a short conversation so don't think it impossible to fulfill this great task. First, articulate your commitment to your spouse. Not so tough. Her quickest response told me that because I have made a point to tell her, not just once or twice, that I will never consider divorce an option, she feels that our marriage is safe from dissolution. She is sure that whatever the conflict, we will talk it out. I can't tell you exactly how long it was between occurrences, but I do know that the very word "divorce" was not even spoken in our home for a span of something like 15 years. We have referred to it a time or two as the "D" word, but that was to aid in conversation about someone else. Guys are regularly made fun of because of a perceived problem with commitment. Husbands, you need to let your wife know that you have no problem with commitment and be serious about it. "She knows I love her." "She knows I'd never leave her." Oh yeah? How? Not if you don't tell her. And tell her again. And again.
The second part of her response was just about as quick. She really didn't have to think about these things. The second thing a wife wants (by the way, there were only two things) is to show your commitment to your spouse. You know it to be true...talk is cheap. Yes, my wife and other wives want to hear that her husband is in this for the long haul, but put up or shut up. As I have said before, this is not a book review but there is a book that I read a long time ago that I highly recommend to every man. This book taught me the great value of putting hedges around your marriage to show your wife that you mean business about protecting your marriage. I am not talking about avoiding other females all together or walking around looking at the floor. Jen knows that I will not transport a female in my car by myself, unless it is a relative or someone obviously "out of play" due to age. And even then, Jen receives a phone call or text from me about it. I will not meet one on one with a female behind closed doors or even in public at a "table for two". Some people think, "What's the big deal?" "Don't you trust each other?" And I say, absolutely, but why open yourself or the other to questions and doubts. How many marriages would still be going on if men never crossed the line into one on one meetings and meals with another woman. Oh, they didn't mean to fall in love. It just happened. Not if you never give it the chance.
Labels:
commitment,
hedges,
husband,
love,
marriage,
protect,
relationships,
trust,
wife
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